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Bupkis House

The Company

Bupkis House is the oldest mail order company in the United States that has not made a sale. We've been out of stock on all the items we offer since the company's founding in 1869, but we're expecting a new shipment any day now. We're proud of our long history of almost providing to the public a convenient and affordable source of gadgets, home-helpers, and novelty items, and are ever hopeful that one day we will celebrate fulfilling our first order.

Past Products

In the 1970's, Bupkis House advertised primarily in comic books and USDA warning circulars for contaminated beef. Here is a sample of one of our ads from 1973:

While you can't order these items, you can get a really nice t-shirt with the above page on it (minus the watermark) from CafePress. If you don't like people, don't get this shirt. People will be getting pretty close to you to read the small lettering, and the design mostly appeals to unusually good-looking people of the gender that you're attracted to. Don't say we didn't warn you. Click here to see the shirts. Yes, you can really buy them.

Bupkis House was an early convert to green business practices, and was the first U.S. company to make its wares available via the convenience of a catalog printed on the processed skin of its deceased employees. Here is the first page of our 1918 catalog:


This catalog was distributed free through churches, pharmacies, and by thousands of underage workers that would break into people's homes at night to leave copies in bathrooms. Few copies exist today as most were destroyed after it was found that page seven had somehow been infused with a virulent strain of polio virus.

You can get a t-shirt of the page here too. By the way, these are super-high-quality shirts, guaranteed to last all day.  No more carrying three replacement shirts around. Unlike cheap knockoff t-shirts that last 2 or three hours,  these t-shirts will give you a full day of wear, and will be just as ironic and hip in the late evening as when you first put them on in the morning. They look great on you, but they look even better balled up at the bottom of your hamper under some overworn gym socks. You can get mugs and other junk too. Check it out.

Due to gag order issued on our pending litigation with Genegemison, information regarding the Potato Clock cannot be disseminated.